


all or nothing

by viennaz



Series: All or Nothing [1]
Category: The Wayhaven Chronicles (Interactive Fiction)
Genre: Angst, F/M, angst x2, at the same time i was like :( but also not, hurts so good <3, i hurt my own feelings writing this, it'll get fluffy eventually tho, lots of fighting, so idk, yelling/adam getting what he deserves for being mean to mc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25797082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viennaz/pseuds/viennaz
Summary: detective caroline decker is forced to call adam for help at time when she's least wanted to see him. a broken-down car, a lonely highway, and a starry night. the string that ties them together is far from delicate--fate almost seems cruel with her timing. or maybe she just has a sense of humour.
Relationships: Detective/Adam du Mortain, Female Detective/Adam du Mortain
Series: All or Nothing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871524
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i decided to play with the soulmate concept that mishka has confirmed in some asks in the beginning of this fic. (summed up; mc and a are soulmates, and a knew it the moment they met her.) +this was inspired by "pyrite (fool's gold)" by frank ocean which u can find on youtube. i strongly suggest listening while you read!
> 
> i also made a playlist for adam+mc--as well as the rest of ub, wayhaven, and the detective under that account. so, enjoy if u will! :) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0panLwBnKiLdQigRG1N6lK?si=dspsjbzQRhWsrlI0aWzPwg

_ adam chooses fear, his walls of defense, and her safety over what's right. what is good, and what is meant to be. _

_ their names were carved among the stars even before their births. their destiny was bound by broken skin and scars of the celestial. something sovereign and supernatural that no god could ever know or outlast to defeat, had declared their fate at the universe's conception. _

_ that fate was the bonding of their souls, a burning pact too strong to break, no matter how hard one conscious resists it--and the other is oblivious they even carry. _

_ adam, meaning the collective of humanity--the first man and the fall of man. from the very soil of the earth. _

_ caroline, meaning the free woman. and though she could wander anywhere to anyone, she stays. she chooses to love him ruthlessly in spite of his sin. _

_ no man, spirit, god, or demon can match the power of souls intertwined. the wayward can only escape it for so long. it's an unsparing force not to be reckoned with. _

_ they will find their way back to eachother. fate is relentless that way. when that happens, he will learn to love again as he did in human flesh. and she will learn that at times, her relentless pursuits must be deserted to grow--but simultaneously, the love she emanates is never worth giving up. _

_ to love and be loved, _

_ is ultimate. _

* * *

caroline's glazed eyes are steady and weighted for most of the drive back to wayhaven--until rusted road signs and gas stations bathed in flickering fluorescents begin to pass as familiar landmarks. they indicate she's not far out from home; maybe just under an hour. her fixation on nothingness falters along with her burning gaze, which now blinks rapidly, warding off the bleariness that pools beneath her eyelashes.

crying is good, and a helpful release. she knows this, yet still bites tears back alone in her car. since she could remember, crying in front of someone was never an option. no form of embarrassment would follow her, it just felt  _ wrong _ . her ease with other's emotions; a knack for wading chest-deep into someone else's pain just to be  _ with _ them--all came with the concept that she could only attain that kind of comfort from somebody else. that she can't provide it for herself. and now she's stuck with a habit of rarely letting herself cry over the things that deserve it the most.

confronting her own pain was terrifying, and to her, much worse than spectating someone else's.

it was easy to entertain herself for the first few hours of the drive. she'd attended meetings and county conferences on new policing policies, seminars from seasoned detectives, and met with some agency employees passing through the area to discuss their current operations. lots of new information to process--an easy distraction.

but the reason why she was on the verge of tears now nags, and nagged the whole duration of her trip, at the back of her throat and bottom of her stomach. she didn't  _ think _ about it as much as she felt it. churning and nauseous, threatening to spill choked screams if she's not focused on anything but  _ him. _

she couldn't tell whether or not the three weeks of radio silence, and completely leaving the town shortly following the heartbreak were good or bad. she wouldn't have processed it either way, but maybe it would've been better to numb herself going back to work with him immediately afterward. it's almost as if she put it off, and now it's racing rapidly toward her.

a piece of her wished she would never have to see him again, and the other shrinks at the thought of him disappearing without a trace.

maybe it was unfair she did the same thing to him.

but maybe it was unfair of him to walk away that night, while she was stuck in her own skin, crumbling internally, feeling like her feet were sinking into the pavement.

fuck all if she didn't hate him more in that moment. like she didn't want to hurt him back, then kiss each bruise she'd leave behind. her anger was a privilege and pure bliss in comparison to the twisting knife of his words from that night. she'd much rather fall back onto unadulterated rage than recall the pain he inflicted.

_ "there was never an ‘us.’ _ "

the usual timbre of his voice and softened eyes were near absent when he spoke. he was void of anything other than professionalism. that was one of the things that made it such a fucking stab in the chest--he couldn't even  _ try _ to soften the blow, instead pretended he didn't care.

_ that's a fucking lie. she wanted to scream it. but her tongue was dry, throat swollen, cracked lips, and shaky hands. no sound would make it past her clenched teeth. _

the poison on the blade is that he knows he's choosing the wrong thing. she knew, with every pulse in her ears and baited breath, that not one word of it was real.

caroline white knuckles the steering wheel without realizing it, so lost in thought that she can't bother to wipe away the tears streaking down her cheeks--or notice she's pushing one hundred miles per hour alone on a freeway.

it's not until there's a horrendously indescribable noise from her engine that she's shocked out of her own head. as the car tanks in speed and starts to jitter, she yanks it out of gear, drifting to the shoulder of the road.

"shit. shitshitshitshit _ shit! _ " her voice grows in volume, the car jerking to a halt soon enough. she slams the door shut, barely getting the hood open before she can smell, and see, that she's fucked.

"fuck.  _ fuck this, _ " she kicks at the car, mind already scrambling through the worst possible outcomes of this scenario. there wasn't any smoke so much as there was smell, so she tentatively pops the hood and props it up.

the issue is, caroline doesn't know shit about cars. and it's not like she has anything to fix it with her anyway. huffing, she slams it shut, and locks herself in her car. it's dark and about 2am, an ungodly hour to be up at--but she has no intention of being taken by creeps tonight.

she calls tina first, knowing in the back her mind that she wouldn’t be awake. when it goes to voicemail, caroline huffs and tries her mom instead. and unsurprisingly, she doesn’t answer.

it was a tuesday night, no one would be up. after calling both farah and nate, caroline settles back, groaning into her hands. morgan would just hang up right after explanation. rescue is not her thing.

they're all vampires. it's not like they need sleep. and yet, here we are. both farah and nate had adopted somewhat regular habits when they weren't assigned to active mission. they both found themselves bored with too much time on their hands.

none of them even have cars.

except adam.

who, now that she thinks about it, would be the one damn person in unit bravo, or all of wayhaven for that matter, that's awake. also, the only one with a car.

she'd only heard him mention it a few times. farah blabbed after caroline asked about it offhandedly months ago.

_ "dude. he's a total car snob. have you seen how he cringes at yours? but he also knows some mechanic-y type stuff. he fixes them up. he's had like, two? buuuut, i snuck into his room once and saw he had some notes about a current project…" _

_ "oh. i know all of you guys hate my car, but i didn't know that was why he did. makes sense. but she's always been reliable." caroline nods, watching farah play solitaire with herself. _

_ farah looks up slyly, speaking a bit too loud. "i bet he'd get a boner if you started talking car shit to him." _

_ nate looks up from his book in surprise, eyes widened and concerned. "farah!" the detective hurries to stop her from saying anymore. "my god," she shakes her head, biting back a laugh. _

_ "am i wrong? no. just ask him about it sometime. it's not like he's secretive about his interests...just not talkative." _

_ goddamnit. _ she couldn't just stick the night out, or hitch a ride with a stranger. the nearest building of any public nature would be over ten miles away. the risk was too high with new supernatural traffic because of her--not to mention the whole team would be livid.

she steps out of the car moving to lean on her trunk and look around. dense pine trees line most of the narrow road she's on, the few oak trees looming incredibly high and bending the taller they get.

caroline looks up, arms crossed for warmth, but still somewhat in awe of the stars. they're exceedingly bright tonight, but still numerous as they've always been. she thinks she sees new constellations, maybe some words she can't quite make out, and a shiver slips through her spine.

with slow resignment, she pulls out her phone, thumb hovering over adam's contact. it doesn't make a noise when she presses, but she stares at the seconds that start to flash as it rings.

after four rings, it clicks. and it's quite silent, except for static, until a familiar sound rumbles through her speakers.

"caro-- _ detective?" _

she almost misses his slip-up, but when she catches it, it settles heavily on her chest.

"um…" it's hard to form words now--his accent was still the same. his voice still toeing the line of professional, but god did it hurt. "uh--my car broke down on the way back from the seminars and stuff...i didn't want to walk by myself to the next gas station to get help. so." her voice cracks into a whisper at the end, unsure of how to finish.

"where are you?" he asks quietly. she can't hear any urgency to it, or any emotion in particular, but rather hears shuffling in the background. like he's getting dressed quickly.

"i'm uh...on allen," she looks around her, squinting as if that would help just her memory. "northbound on allen, like ten minutes off the interstate. a ways out."

it's entirely quiet on the other end of the line, each moment passing adding another knot to her stomach. "my tripe a membership expired. i tried calling everyone else." caroline sighs, her throat beginning to constrict again. "i'm sor--i uh, didn't want to bother anyone."

adam releases a breath, the shuffling resuming. "i'll come get you. it'll take me forty-five minutes." his voice is  _ groggy. _ "i'll be fast."

"thank you." is all she can manage.

the line goes dead.

it's hard not to cry. so instead she opts to shout a string of expletives into the sky, clenching her phone so hard it could bend. he seemed so nonchalant, like he was fine--that everything would be okay.

meanwhile, as she paced by herself in the middle of objectively nowhere, every inch of her skin felt like it was on fire. feeling of humiliation and genuine hurt writhe over her once again, embarrassed she even had to call him. how  _ fucking _ infuriating it was that she was now dependent on the one person who'd hurt her in  _ years. _

who drew his hand across her cheek tenderly, held her grief-wracked, weeping body, who whispered "you are everything," on  _ his _ own hospital bed. who felt safe in her home, found himself inches away from her face on late nights in the library, wrestled to a breaking point, who let her grip his hand as if she'd never let go on short-lived ferris wheel rides--

and yet, in between all these stolen moments, he would turn away before she could fully lean into him. multitudes of abrupt “goodnights” when all she needed was him to stay.

caroline lowers herself back into the car, locks the doors, reclining just enough to watch the sky through her sunroof. she lets her tears flow freely in this moment, hoping there won’t be anymore by the time adam arrives.

* * *

orange-hued lights flash across caroline’s eyelids, jerking her out of her half-asleep stupor. within a second she’s pushed herself out the door and is watching the oncoming car, keys clenched in her fist. but the closer it gets and the more it slows, the faster her pulse gets.

she recognizes his blonde hair before the rest of him, a little more grown out than it had been at any other point she’d known him. farah would probably have something to say about that.

he steers across the lane, pulling up behind her car. she keeps her hand shoved in her coat pockets, watching him get out with the most unbothered stare she could manage. “detective,” he says, almost weakly, walking forward but keeping his distance.

“commander,” she replies matter-of-factly, hoping for whatever reason he’d be upset by her choice of words. god, the air between them was thick. but not in a heavy, comforting way. it was almost suffocating. and now she’d be in a car with him for the next hour. “thank you for getting me.”

“...of course.” he says monotonously, making his way past her to the front of her car. “what happened?”

“i had just gotten off the freeway a few miles back and the engine made an awful noise. grinding almost, followed by a bang and i started losing speed.” she pauses, looking at the car “there was a little bit of smoke but i couldn’t see anything visibly wrong.”

“could you pop the hood?” he says, eyebrows clenched together in concentration.

she pulls at the latch by the driver's seat, doing her best to ignore how incredibly wrong it feels for them to talk like nothing had happened the last time they saw eachother. her breaths become shallow the longer she waits, watching him examine the engine. he’s wearing a worn olive crewneck, with a white thermal underneath. it peaks out under the rolled up sweater sleeves, highlighting the bend and flex of his muscles as the rest on the hood above him.

she tries to look away.

“any grinding noises would indicate a problem with your clutch or transmission. i’d assume it’s a broken synchronizer or shift fork. but there’s nothing visibly wrong that i can see from here…” he pulls the crutch down and shuts it loudly. “we can send someone to tow it tomorrow. you can put your stuff in the back of mine,” he motions, unlocking so the lights flare. “it’s not worth putting any more money into it. you’re better off selling it for parts and buying another car.” he says, already carrying some of her luggage back.

caroline can’t help but scoff, even though she knew he was right. “i didn’t ask. but thank you.” her voice is wound tightly, straining as she puts the last of her things in the backseat and locking up her beater of a car.

he doesn’t say anything. just narrows his eyes in the slightest bit toward her, before getting in the driver’s seat and starting the car. as she settles in, she notices he hasn’t moved yet. but when she turns to say something, she recognizes the expectant look on his face.

she buckles reluctantly, and he speeds off as soon as he hears the click.

* * *

it’s weirdly hard to think straight, despite the silence consuming the whole cabin. there’s the consistent hum of the road and an obscure radio station playing softly to keep the worst of themselves at bay. but caroline is growing frustrated with how  _ okay _ he seems. like he’s grappled with everything passed between them in the span of days, and has come to terms with it. 

or he’s repressing it, and faking everything, as he usually does. this would make far more sense, and both prospects make her heart ache. 

_ it's better to say something now... _

more gas stations, road signs, and a few 24 hour diners start to blur past her peripheral vision, caroline’s heart beat accelerating at recognizing each familiar turn back into town. at the same time, her head and chest hurt, growing heavier with the weight of each of his words. and against her own will, this softens her. it hurts her. instead of being the sharp, angry person she wants to be at him, she finds herself wanting to plead. just wanting to know  _ why _ he was hellbent on pushing her away.

“adam...” she says solemnly, trying to collect the thoughts scrambling inside of her right then. “i  _ just  _ want to know--"

his knuckles clench on the wheel the moment she starts, growing whiter by the second. she watches as he head rocks back and leans onto the headrest, despite her not even finishing a single sentence. “you know what i said to this last time.” he says stoically, cutting her off.

_ he's so fucking restrained. _

“what you said last time wasn’t true.”

“and why do you think that?“ he strains, his voice low. his eyes do not once meet hers, almost like he fears what he'll see, or how it will affect him.

she wants to say, 'because i know you.'

“we were fine. friends, if not, in limbo. then you blindsided with me and left me alone outside of the bar because i confronted you about your feelings--”

he’s almost too quick to reply, so sure of his words like they've been rehearsed before. “you're  _ mistaken. _ i have  _ never _ had feelings for you and i never will. i tried to end that civilly. but you still resist--”

“what the  _ hell, _ ” she murmurs, her words almost shocked laughter. “just tell me the truth? please? i swear to god it would hurt multitudes less if you were at least honest with yourself.”

_ “you’re a liability.” _ he says loudly, breaking the rising tension. almost immediately after, his chest heaves, into complete and utter silence.

it's not like she's surprised by him saying something like this. but rather struck by the overwhelming honestly that it carries. but the narrative he speaks is different to what he feels and what he knows. 

she knows "liability" means something different than how he says it. she's not a liability to their work or the team--she is a liability to everything he's worked against for hundreds of years.

she makes him vulnerable. she makes him feel. she makes him care. she makes him  _ hurt _ .

swallowing back the lump in her throat and tears in her eyes, she manages a raw and pained whisper.

_ “am i a liability or am i everything to you, adam?”  _

her hands tremble the same way his did when he cradled her bloodied body in murphy's lab over a year ago. she shakes the way he did when seeing her panicked eyes frantically flick between him and sanja. a decision that either way, would end in destruction.

caroline chose sanja. not because that's what she wanted, but what  _ he _ asked her to do.

“you can't keep lying to me. or yourself." she continues to stare at him defiantly, chin lifted and still, despite how suddenly he veers off into an empty parking lot, throwing the car into park.

he still doesn't throw her a second glance.

_ "am i not enough for you?" _

then his shoulders slump, and he flinches, eyes cast at the steering wheel, as if out of everything she said, her own doubt is what hurts the most. he flinches in the same beat like he  _ wants _ to reach out, to hold her tear-streaked face between his palms and tell her that no, she is  _ more _ than enough. more than he ever could deserve in his lifetime. that she has more power over him than any creature, man or entity he's ever met.

he doesn't do that. instead, remains unmoving and silent.  _ her _ heartbeat pounds in  _ his  _ ears. he can feel  _ her _ pain crackling through her chest and up her throat, where she looks ahead at him, waiting. for anything. a movement, or a word. some form of reassurance. an admission.

despite everything is his body screaming,  _ pleading _ for her--he keeps telling himself it's  _ dangerous.  _

so he musters up the last of any iciness in him, letting his shoulders fall backward as if he’s numb.

_ “i have nothing to say to you.” _

" _ fuck _ you.  _ fuck you, _ adam." she says bitterly, grabbing her purse and yanking her suitcase from the back without a second thought.

almost immediately he stands up to stop her, contradicting his behavior, torn by what he’s _ saying  _ and what he’s  _ feeling. _ “detective--”

she turns on her heel, body rigid and eyes red. "my name is  _ caroline. _ you know that. have the  _ basic _ fucking decency to use it." giving him no time to respond, she starts down the sidewalk, only blocks away from her apartment.

as she grows further and further. he doesn't reach out, or say anything like he should. he's left helpless, car doors ajar with the beam of his headlights highlighting her frame, her hair thrashing wildly in the wind behind her.

it's almost cinematic. the deep blue with the inklings of dawn seeping in at the seams of the sky. but it's cold--and all the sudden he's alone. 

when she's long gone, he sinks into the drivers seat, digging the heel of his palms into his eyes before slamming them into the steering wheel.

_ "shit!" _ he yells, gritting his teeth. the yelling is far from angry at her, but himself. he crosses his arms, leaning down onto them despite the now snapped wheel crumbling underneath him.

* * *

that night, he shadows her just a few times before watching her get arrive in her apartment safely. then he waits a few more moments, listening intently for any struggle or yelling. there's nothing. yet he can still feel her presence and the blanket of her emotions from so far away. the longer he waits, the worse the pain is. 

the facility is dim when he gets back, passing through the common room wearily to grab his things.

it's 4:30am. nate's drinking coffee, going over a book adam recognizes as a gift for nate from caroline.

from the way nate makes eye contact for just a second, he knows better than to say anything. it's a silent exchange, somewhat of a knowing look.

adam's eyes are red and watery.

but they both keep to themselves. nate's  _ worried _ . it was bad enough the past two weeks, and maybe they would've brushed it under the rug and been fine, but whatever happened tonight he  _ knows _ has indefinitely changed something.

adam has only exchanged that _ look  _ with nate  _ once.  _

it was right after meeting her for the first time. never once did it happen again till tonight. it seems to be a signal of change--or genuine fear. it's something packed to the brim of words adam would never dare to speak.

adam circles back to the door, hesitating to leave. "i fucked up." he says quietly, the words rushed in one breath. 

nate flips the book over, sharing at the shelves right past adam's shoulder while he thinks on a response. "give her time and space." he pauses, trying to avoid sighing. "don't back to her, or apologize if you won't give her what you both want."

adam nods, turning his face away, cheeks burning and throat aching with the reality of what he’s done.

nate tells him goodnight, but the commander can't choke out anything to respond.

as he lays in bed, every time he closes his eyes, he sees her--he sees _them._ _intertwined_ \--the way they're meant to be. 

he doesn’t sleep that night.

_ "you fear the light," sanja's voice reverberates in his head. "you fear that the light will make you fall...and that fall will crush you both." _

_ "and if i should fall...for her?"  _

_ "the light will greet you...but the darkness may come to swallow you both." _


	2. update notes!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm not dead!

hi everyone! it's zoe.

i'm still super thankful for all the feedback i got on the first chapter of this. you guys are the sweetest. i just wanted to drop by in case anyone sees this to say hi, hello, how are you? and to let you know i _will_ be updating this fic!

i'm a very very slow writer, but also tend to write as i go. i have general ideas, but no structured outlines to write by for each chapter. i would put a timeline on when you can expect chapter two, but i feel like that might be end up being a letdown if i do. so, i'm hoping i'll have chapter two finished within the next thirty days or so. i don't know how i want this series to end, but i'll tell you in advance i'm not the type to leave most of my fics on a heart-breaking note. so with angst, there should usually be some type of resolve.

on top of those two things, i will also be releasing a prequel chapter (after chapter 2 is released) with a drabble type scene i wrote ages ago when i first started reading twc--before i even wrote all or nothing. i decided it fit pretty well with the timeline of adam and caroline's relationship. (find some caroline art and a sneak peak of this prequel chapter [here!](https://agentdumortain.tumblr.com/post/635538457993854976/detective-caroline-decker-my-mc-from-the))

i might space it out while i'm writing chapter 3 so those of you who read this will have some filler shit to work with while i painfully crawl through chapter 3 lol. there could be a couple chapters like this in the future, or potentially outtakes that don't make it into certain chapters! i have a few of those already. i currently have a nate wip, and a separate adam fic that's also in the works...possibly knight adam, (pre-vampire maybe?) the woods, and blood.

and with that, i'll leave you with two things! one) if you are into choices or twc, my tumblr is [@agentdumortain](https://agentdumortain.tumblr.com/) and i tend to be a lot more active on there. (lots more content, and all of my choices fics so far.) feel free to drop by and say hi/ask questions, whatever the hell you want! i like talking to people. :) and two...

_"it’s a painstakingly long twenty or so minutes of walking til her complex comes into view. five stories at best, rusty brown brick compliments the drying ivy that creeps up the sides of the building. she doesn’t change speed, but still makes a point of going directly up the steps, pausing when he’s still standing right behind her, keys in the door._

_"what are you doing?” she asks._

_"seeing you in.”_

_"bu-”_

_i’m not taking any chances with--you,” the words fly out of his mouth impulsively, wanting to cover all the bases of whatever she might argue. but **god** he didn’t mean to let the last part slip out. he stumbled over it. he didn’t mean it. _

_except, he definitely did._

_caroline looks at him, her body angling toward him so suddenly and harshly, it almost seemed against her will. the face she makes, head tilted slightly in confusion, and her mouth parted as if she was going to respond._

_she is far too beautiful. the moonlight, sticky , hot winds picking up strands of her hair--even in the streetlight fluorescents that tint her skin green and buzz in both of their ears._

_this is one of **those** moments. where he wants to push her hair away from her face, pulling up her chin-- _

_the detective swings open the door, pushing it with enough force so that she doesn’t have to hold it. she knows it’ll stay open wide enough for him to slip through. they quietly make their way up a couple of flights of stairs, their footsteps filling the aching silence."_

i hope you all are doing well and staying safe<3

love

z


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